Question of Ownership - writercize #129

ABC's Modern Family, in its infinite genius, tackled the hilarious question of mistaken car ownership a couple of weeks ago on the "Go Bullfrogs" episode.  Mitchell and Cameron are given the wrong car by the valet only to discover the error when rifling through the glovebox and searching for music.  Comedy and misunderstandings ensue.

It's probably not every driver's *worst* nightmare, but I would be lying if I said I'd never worried that the wrong car in the mall parking lot would beep at my remote's signal.  I can't remember how many unique key designs and signals there are, but I do know that it's fewer than the number of cars on the road.  Hey, it could happen!

Questions of ownership are rife with possibility for comedy writing, as well as mystery and horror.  

Just think about the possibilities.  A wronged wife selling her husband's treasured possessions on eBay after discovering he was cheating.  Flowers from an anonymous source delivered to a woman in the wrong office complex.  Squatters in an abandoned building.  A work of art that is discovered to be a fake.  A work of art that is knowingly purchased illegally on the black market.  The wedding dress of the century during the annual Running of the Brides at Filene's Basement.  The crisp hundred dollar bill dropped on the casino floor.  Any unique idea or invention up for patent or copyright.  

Literally endless possibilities.  Today you get to pick one and run with it.

writercize:  Create a dialogue centered around a question of ownership.  Ownership may be real or imagined for the character, and may be based on any object or concept of your choosing.

Click "read more" for writercizer sample response about an airplane seat.  Note I am not working on comedy or any specific genre here - it's dialogue practice.  Hopefully it could be interpreted with a small chuckle somewhere along the way.

This writercize created based on the prompt "ownership" over at GBE2, hosted by the blog world's most popular hostess with the mostest, Ms. Elizabeth Grace.  Faithful readers may notice that this week has been overwhelmingly inspired by GBE2 prompts.  Prompts are given weekly on Sunday, and there have been so many great ones lately that I was delayed in writing that I decided to make a week of it.  Hope you enjoyed!

writercizer sample response:

inside airplane

JAMES (arriving at exit row)

-Hey man, I think you're in my seat.

(no answer. reaches over to pat man seated in exit row window seat on the shoulder)

-Hey, you hear me?  I think you're in my seat man.

DOUGLAS (slowly turns away from texting to look at James)

-What's that, man?

JAMES

-I said I think you're in my seat.  21F.  Window seat, emergency exit row.  That's my place man.  

DOUGLAS

-Yeah, well, not now.

JAMES

-What are you talking about?  It's on my boarding pass.  I requested it early.  You see these legs?  They can't double over in a regular seat, man.  I need the emergency.

DOUGLAS

-Mmm.  Well, I got here first and I ain't movin'.  If your legs are too long, maybe you should think about buying business class.  I heard fat people have to do that; maybe tall people should too, man.  Besides, my boarding pass says the same thing.

JAMES

-Oh yeah, well, we'll see about that, now won't we.

(leans over aisle passenger to hit button to call for flight hostess)

HILLARY

-Yes sir, you rang us?

JAMES

-Why yes, we did.  You see, I have a boarding pass here in my hand that gives me the right to sit in that chair for the duration of the flight.  I was responsible, I requested it early and my legs get very prickly if I can't sit in the emergency row.

HILLARY

-Ok sir, I understand.  However, the emergency seats are not for leg room; they are for use in emergencies.  Are you aware of that sir?

JAMES

-Yes.

HILLARY

-Do you speak English sir? Can you lift 50 pounds?  Do you remain calm under pressure?

JAMES

-Yes, yes and yes.  But what does this have to do with my seating assignment?

HILLARY

-Well, if you want to sit there, I have to confirm that you are in fact eligible to use the seat, sir.  I can't put you in the seat if you're not capable of helping in the event of an emergency.  FAA regulations sir.  I'm sure you understand and would want someone strong helping you out the door in case we crash.

JAMES

-Listen.  I'm American.  I speak English.  I'm in good shape.  I can help people.  As long as my fingers don't fall off from holding this carry-on any longer, we should be fine.  Now, can you please get this guy to move out of my seat so I can sit and enjoy the flight?

HILLARY

-I sense a little temper, sir.  Let's all just calm down.  Is that bag really heavy enough to damage your hands sir?  Did you weigh that bag?  You do realize, of course, that it will have to go into an overhead compartment.  No bags under the seats in the exit row.  Perhaps I should check it for you now, save you the trouble of stowing it.  The bins are getting very full, and it really is time for push back.

JAMES

-How can we push back if I don't have a seat yet?  No, I don't want to check my bag.  You lost it last time.  I will find a place for it close to my seat where I can track it's every move.  All I want is for you to ask this gentleman here, sitting in my seat, to get up off his behind and move!  

HILLARY

-Alright sir, just calm down now.  Can I please see your boarding pass?

JAMES

-Yes, thank you.  Right here.

(Hillary examines boarding pass - everything looks right)

HILLARY

(to man in seat)

-Sir, can I please see your boarding pass as well?

DOUGLAS 

(huffing, reaches into jacket pocket)

-Yes, of course, here you are.

HILLARY

(examines ticket - same seat number)

-Thank you sir.  Well, this is indeed odd.  You both have the same seat number.  Well, it is a full flight.  I suppose you'll just have to share or sit in a lap.

(chuckles nervously)

JAMES

-Is that meant to be a joke?  Because if it is, it's not funny.  And if it's not, I want your employee badge.  Listen, it's been a long day, I don't like to fly, just see who checked in first and give me the seat.  Please.  I'm begging you.

CAPTAIN MCMANUS

(over the loudspeaker)

-Passengers, this is your captain speaking.  As soon as we're all seated here, we'll come around to secure the cabin and prepare for an on-time departure.  Skies are looking clear and it's 88 in Honolulu right now.  Get ready to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

JAMES

(looks at stewardess, gulps)

-Uh, ma'am.  Did the captain just say Honolulu?

HILLARY

(confused expression)

-Yes, that's right.

JAMES

-What time does this flight depart?

HILLARY

-Why, as soon as you sit down sir.  16:35 scheduled departure time.  If I could just find you another seat somewhere, we could be on our way.

JAMES

-No, I've got to get off this plane.

HILLARY

-Excuse me?

JAMES

-Seriously, I've got to go.  I'm supposed to be on a flight to Helsinki.  I am on the wrong plane.  My flight leaves at 16:30.  I have to run.  Sorry for the inconvenience.  Look at my boarding pass!

HILLARY

(looking at pass)

-I knew there was something fishy about two people having seat 21F.  I mean, I'd heard of it happening before, but in my four months of training, I never saw anything like it.  Now I see - different airport code.  Go on, now.  

JAMES

-Thanks!  And sorry!

(to both Hillary and Douglas, running off)

-Captain, call the Helsinki flight, and please - tell them to hold that plane!!

(into cockpit running past it to the door)

DOUGLAS 

(under his breath)

-Guy can't even read a boarding gate.  And I'm supposed to trust him to save my life?  Deserving of an emergency seat, my ass.  Good riddance.